Waterbug Early Handwritten Drafts

Art school —especially art school with a focus on finding jobs in the entertainment industry— taught me that showing process is extremely important. I don't know if this policy carries over as much to the writing side of things. I doubt you'll sell anywhere near as many of The Chicken-Scratch, Handwritten Rough Drafts of Star Wars as you will The Art of Star Wars. Aborted rough drafts sure aren't as pretty as concept art, but, should anyone want to see my writing process, I'm going to try and document it for the things I post that wind up going through a bunch of revisions.

In the second draft, I was fairly certain that the bedroom scene didn't have any information or great character moments that couldn't be handled later, but I was very interested in including the hallway scene for its world-building details (the signs, Crabby's tubes, zero-G locomotion). I also tried to work a bit more characterization into Robins' political rival and that proved to be a dead-end.

For the third draft, I experimented with writing the scene out in prose, figuring that it would allow me to sprinkle description throughout the scene rather than the huge chunks of scene-setting description that I needed in script form. I also took a stab at present-tense narration inspired by Paolo Bacigalupi's The Windup Girl.

The fourth draft was my attempt at Kurt Vonnegut's fifth rule of short-story writing: "Start as close to the end as possible."

I went back to a script for the fifth draft. I was bouncing back and forth between this draft and the most recent draft on my computer (another good reason for referring to it as "Draft 6-ish"...). When I'd get stuck while typing, I'd switch to handwriting, and that seemed to fairly consistently jostle something so that I could keep pushing forward.

Waterbug (Draft Six-ish)

Most recent draft of Waterbug. (Draft Six-ish because of the four hand-written partial drafts  between the first draft and this one, which I hope to scan and post in the morning)

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Dramatis Personae:

Councilman Robins: Late 30's, prematurely graying. Due to the nature of the politics in Titan City, Robins is a paranoid individual, quick to avoid blame. He angers easily.

Erika Stellane: 13, captain of the Cargo Hauler Waterbug. Feisty, seemingly never serious, manipulative, but in a mostly harmless way. A lack of human contact has left her a bit of an oddball.

Crabby: About 5 Jovian years (late 50's, early 60's, by the Terran Calendar), a Europan, like a large, sapient crab or lobster. Due to his species' inability to handle human language, he mostly stays quiet, but he is fiercely protective of Erika.

Cargo Hauler Waterbug: 27, a Scarab-class light freighter. Scarabs are budget starships that were widely considered flying deathtraps even when new. To accommodate its Europan crew member, large, clear water pipes run throughout the ship with airlocks in the engine room, cockpit, and cargo bay.

INT: Waterbug Engine Room

Councilman Robins climbs down a ladder into the center of the Engine Room. He holds on at the bottom of the ladder to keep himself from floating away in the microgravity. Crabby is clinging to the wall near his airlock, holding a toolbox in one of his seven limbs. The room is dark, except for flashing red warning lights. Alarms are blaring, and the whole ship is shaking. Miscellaneous tools and spare parts float through the room.

Robins: Uhh... Captain? Captain, you down here? (He turns to Crabby) You! Have you seen the captain. Where is that little—

Erika emerges from a hatch in a machine in the aft portion of the engine room and whistles loudly. She is wearing a headlamp which shines a bright white light on Crabby and Robins. Robins turns to face her, shielding his eyes from the bright light with his free hand.

Erika puts seven fingers in front of her mouth, in imitation of Crabby's mouthparts, and flashes a quick series of gestures to him. He opens his toolbox and gently lobs a wrench to her.

Robins pushes off the ladder towards her. She ducks back into the machine and resumes her repairs.

Robins: Captain! Are you sure I can't help—

The ship shudders violently.

            Robins: —help us not die?

Erika pokes her head back out of the machine.

            Erika: Thought I told you to go back to sleep...

She pulls herself back into the machine.

            Robins: (grumbling) I've never been able to sleep through flashing lights and alarms...

Erika: (muttering) A miracle you can sleep at all in Titan City then...

Robins: What was that?

Erika: (shouting) Nothing!

Robins: Look, the ship's clearly falling apart! There's got to be something I can do to make sure—

The ship shudders violently again.

Robins: —I don't have to take an escape pod the rest of the way to Ganymede!

Erika: (muttered) First we'd need escape pods. (She pushes herself out again) 'Sides, everything you're hearing is normal.

Robins: This is normal?

Erika: Yeah... 'cept the alarms... and the warning lights. They're here to tell us that this old air scrubber (she taps the machine with her wrench) may not make the trip, and one person in this little crawlspace is more than enough, so, no, you can't help.

Robins: And if it doesn't make it?

Erika: We inhale all the oxygen in the ship and exhale CO₂ until there's no more oxygen. Then, well, you know... Oh, don't look at me like that. You're some bigshot politician now. You could've flown in style, but you chose the freighter that's almost twice as old as its captain. Was it because you missed me?

Robins: “Missed you?” Letting you get emancipated cost me my legal career!

Erika pulls herself back into the machine.

Erika: (Under her breath) Hiring cheap lawyers. Further evidence my parents provided an unstable environment, your honor...

Robins: I wasn't cheap—

Erika: (under her breath) Probably shoulda been...

Robins: Look, that was a technicality, and you know it! You're only free because of a loophole in Titanic law! One that I intend to close once this election is over—

Erika climbs out of the machine again. She points her wrench at him accusingly.

Erika: And you chartered Waterbug so after the big secret trip to Ganymede you can drag me kicking and screaming back to my parents. Is that it? A big happy photo-op: Prodigal daughter, her parents, tears of joy, and you, with a big, happy smile, all sitting right under an optimistic headline where you promise this is “just the start” and you'll be “personally addressing every colossal 'double-you tee eff' that's ever been perpetrated by the government of Titan City”!

Erika pulls herself back into the machine. This time there are no sounds of her working.

Robins: You? You seriously think I chartered this flying deathtrap for your sake? I know, as a teenager, this is a tough concept for you, but you're not the center of the universe. There's no elaborate scheme in my desk on Titan laying out in exquisite detail how I can return to a four-year-old status quo. I picked your ship because I made a judgment call at the docks. That crustacean over there who can't speak any human language gave me the idea that this would be the ship that would ask the fewest questions. An assumption I was sorely mistaken about, I might add.

Erika climbs out of the machine again.

Erika: You're worried about questions? Just wait'll the bodies of a politician in his bathrobe and a thirteen-year-old girl drift into Ganymede's orbit. What d'ya think Missus Robins will tell the press? Is there a Missus Robins? Will she be sobbing about how she had “no idea” or will she just smugly tell the reporters “Frankly, I'm surprised he didn't suffocate on starship with a waaaaaaaaaaaaaay underage prostitute sooner. He had tons of chances. Can I have my e-book deal now?”

Robins: Leave my wife out of your scenarios you deluded little brat!

Robins leaps toward Erika, arms extended, ready to throttle her. She ducks back into the crawlspace and pulls the access panel shut behind her. Robins pounds on it frantically.

Robins: Maybe I oughtta just leave you in there! You've gotta have EV gear, an air tank, somewhere. When I get to Ganymede, it'll be easy enough to add your name to the hit! Those gangsters'll probably give you to me nice and cheap compared with that jackass I'm running against! Just—

The access panel flies open, sending Robins floating through the engine room. Erika emerges holding a small recording device.

Erika: Had a hunch you were flying cheap to do something shady.

She ducks back into the air scrubber. A moment later, the warning lights and alarms stop. She re-emerges.

Erika: If it's any consolation, next time you fly Waterbug, we'll have all the comforts of home: Working air scrubbers, gravity, lights, food that wasn't vaccuum-packed before I was born, all thanks to the generous sums you're going to pay me not to send this confession to the Titan City Times.

Robins smacks into a wall. Still seething with rage, he prepares to launch himself at Erika again.

Erika: And, of course, Crabby's always happy to make sure suffocation remains an option for you, so keep that in mind before you ever threaten me on my ship again.

Fantasy World-Building Outline

I think world-building is probably my favorite way to be creative. To heck with things like "plot" and "character". There's interesting worlds out there to imagine. What happens if I change... this?

This world's been kicking around my head for a while now, and I didn't really know what to do with it, so when Gamasutra's Story Design Challenge #4 came along as a straight-up world-building challenge, I suddenly knew exactly what to do with the world I didn't know what to do with. Still no ideas for an actual story in this world, but it's been fun nonetheless.

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The World

• This is a world in which magic is a powerful, pervasive energy source. The world is steeped in magic, and all but the lowest castes of society have some faculty with magic.
• However, prolonged use of magic causes mutations related to the spells cast. For example, casting fire-related spells all the time would eventually lead to your hands always being on fire.
• Because of this trait of magic, the most powerful sorcerers cease to be even remotely human and become magical creatures, analogous to dragons or elementals. Similar fates await those who live in prolonged service to powerful sorcerers.
• Magic applies to nature in a similar manner. Evolution has favored magical animals. Solitary animals often have one or two magical tricks to aid hunting or protect them from predation. Social creatures often have their own “sorcerers”, the alphas of the packs that can cast 'spells' on the rest of the pack.
• Magic is a 'sticky' energy source. In places where it was used a lot (e.g. big magical battles or sorcerers surrendering the last of their humanity), there tends to be a residual magical energy, making those places into Places of Power, in which there is simply more magic to draw from, making it easier to cast bigger spells there, until the residual magic gets used up.

Society

• Magic use is common, and a powerful command of it is necessary for any sort of leadership role. Attempting to rule a city-state or lead an army without being a powerful magician is a good way to quickly get deposed by someone more powerful.
• The fact that powerful magic is a necessity to rule and that powerful magic tends to remove a person from human cares like power means that attempts to build empires usually fall apart when their leadership transcends humanity. Thus, city-states and small principalities are usually the largest political units.
• There is little standardization. Non-magical science, social progress and education advance with glacial slowness.
• Each city-state has its own religion, centered around their lead sorcerer as either a god or high priest to a previous leader who is no longer human (and thus, divine).
• The technological stagnation does not, however, prevent monumental architecture. As long as even small city-states are ruled by sorcerers with god complexes, elaborate palaces, fortresses, and wonders are common sights, even in relatively small city-states.
• Division of magic ability has led to a rigid caste system. Though distributions of the castes and mobility from caste-to-caste vary from city to city, the basic hierarchy looks something like this:

• At the top are Sorcerers. These are the aristocracy of the world. They have the raw magical potential and the resources required to learn a wide variety of spells. These are the type most likely to eventually become magic creatures.
• The next level down are Casters. They are less powerful than sorcerers and are unlikely to master more than a handful of spells. They often serve as officers in Sorcerers' armies or bureaucrats.
• Glamours are the artisans. They have one spell they are able to use, or a narrow family of spells. Because this one spell tends to be their livelihood, Glamours tend to become permanently enchanted. For example, many professional thieves and assassins are Glamours, and it is not uncommon to run into a thief who is stuck completely invisible.
• Receivers are the peasants. They are unable to cast magic of their own, but they are highly susceptible to it. This makes them useful as grunt infantry when city-states go to war, as the officers can easily enchant whole platoons.

Sample City-States

• The Tower: Named for the magic academy at its center, the Tower is a very populous city. It is a hub of trade, with merchants bringing magical artifacts from all over the world across the relatively safe lands around the Tower and selling these artifacts for high prices to the scholars of the city-state. Due to the academic nature of the Tower, the city-state's High Sorcerers tend to transcend humanity very quickly, leading to a perpetually unstable political landscape.
• At the heart of the Blacktree Forest sits The Clearing, ruled by the powerful Sorceress known as “The Mother of Trees” or “The Dryad”. She views her subjects with a highly protective, maternal hand, and has been steadily enchanting the surrounding forests to serve as an impenetrable wall full of murderous plants and deadly predators, keeping out invaders from the outside world, but also trade. The forest is ever-so-slowly expanding towards a neighboring city-state. The magic to keep the forest under such tight control is slowly turning the Mother of Trees wooden, like an Ent or Dryad.
• The Giant's Spine is built on the back of a humongous, human-shaped peninsula. Some say an ancient band of sorcerers bound a giant with spells that turned him to stone to found the city; others say a bookish geomancer coerced the earth into this shape so he could say he built the city upon a giant he slew. The Sorcerer Kings of the Giant's Spine have traditionally been savage warriors who used their magic to enhance their abilities to fight up close and personal rather than avoid it. The Arena is central to life on the Spine, and no day of bloodshed is complete without a display of the High Sorcerer's ferocity. When he finishes his slaughter, the whole mountain quakes, as though the king's magic causes the giant himself pain.

Gameplay Idea:

• I picture a game in this world casting the player as an up-and-coming sorcerer attempting to make his or her mark on the world. Perhaps they will attempt to take over one of the city-states. Perhaps they will try to build an empire, or rush to become a powerful magical creature and simply do whatever they want without caring about humanity at all anymore.