A friend has posted a couple crazy pictures of snails on Facebook, asking her friends to concoct stories for these absurd creatures. Here are my contributions and the images that inspired them:
The Magician's Motivator (May 7, 2012)
After what seemed like half a
decade, the novice was overjoyed. Freshman year was finally over.
Packing up a dorm room had never seemed so sweet.
In one of the
last couple boxes, he finally had to find a spot for his snail. Sure,
some of the other apprentices had ravens or phantasmal rats or other
cool pets, but did any of them have the same sentimental value as the
snail? Were any of them the constant motivation to do better that his
snail was?
He still remembered the day he had made this pet,
standing in front of his transmogrification class (still not sure it was
an actual word), "They said it couldn't be done, nay, that it shouldn't
be done. Yet, here I stand before you, having done it." With a
flourish, he yanked the white sheet off the tiny fishbowl, "Coral and
Snail, combined as easily as Jerry made himself a Centaur."
The
stamping of hooves accompanied the brief applause before their teacher
cut it off with a glare. "Mr. Robinson, you've just set a record. Do you
have any idea how long it's been since a student needed to repeat
Beginning Transmogrification thrice?"
Yet now, two first-years
later, he was finally moving on. "We did it, buddy, you were right!" he
said, running a finger along the sign on his snail's bowl proudly
reminding him, "Don't let your mistakes own you."
The Pixies' Secret Weapon (May 27, 2012)
"Queen Buttercup, Grand
Vizier Daffodil, admirals of the First Lillypad Fleet, General Hyacinth
of the Second Squirrel Cavalry division, as you all know, reports have
been coming in from all theaters, and they're worse than we'd feared.
"Not
only do the Big People no longer fear Pixies, not only do they step on
our homes and people with impunity, but my spies (highly decorated
members of the Seventh Barn Owl Recon Division, every one of them) have
given me truly frightening knowledge: The Big People no longer believe
in Magic."
Dr. Misty Milkweed Mudpie of the Division of
Advanced Sorcery, Glamours, and Tricks pauses to allow his audience to
gasp in horror before continuing.
"I don't need to tell you
that this is devastating news, but it's no reason to give up hope. A
secret division of our agency has been working on this problem for
years. Obviously, lips had to remain sealed, lest fear spread among the
fae. And on the eve of such terrifying news, I am proud to reveal the
first prototype of the new Magic that will keep us in the fight, keep us
from having to retreat like the Elves did. Your Highness, generals and
admirals, behold the first successful Pixie attempt at using the Magic
that the Big People call 'Technology'!"
The doctor snaps his
fingers, and a hummingbird swoops down to hover above the branch next to
him, carrying a package wrapped in leaves. He pulls out a sharpened
twig and slices the leaves apart, keeping one eye facing his patrons the
whole time. He is pleased to see that they all lean close with great
interest.
And then the Vizier speaks up, "It's just a normal
snail. That's less magical than magic." He laughs at the poor
invertebrate, lying on its shell.
With a heave, the doctor
flips the snail back onto its pseudopod. "Just a snail?" He pulls on a
pair of goggles and reaches behind the snail, flipping a switch on the
rear of its shell, almost as long as the whole snail. "Prepare to eat
those words, Vizier..."
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